Waterpup

Posts Tagged ‘poker advice’

Not long ago Joe Cada won the WSOP Main Event becoming the youngest winner in World Series of Poker (WSOP) history beating out 46 year old Darvin Moon a logger from Maryland.

With the youngsters win I expected there would be an influx of “young’ns” flocking to online poker sites to learn how to play poker. Most new players will likely be around Joe Cada’s age and at some point will end up playing in a brick and mortar poker room very soon. Many of them won’t know the first thing about table etiquette so hopefully this list will help. Even more important for those that have been playing for some time now, I hope this list helps you stinky effers out there that just don’t have a clue. Please take this as your clue and be observant and try washing your ass once in awhile.

1. Take a shower

Please take a shower before you go to the poker room. Just using a quick swipe of deodorant on those sticky pits that you haven’t washed in 3 days will not last very long. You may not realize it but you stink and everyone around you knows it’s you. Wash your hairy ass too, you got poop stuck in it.

2. Do Something About that Stench in Your Mouth

Smokers AND Non-Smokers. Smokers bring a tub of mints with you and use them after your smoke break the while tables smells you when you come back. Non-Smokers you too!! Most of you think that because you don’t smoke your breath can’t possibly smell. However after you’ve had your mouth closed for so long that disgusting pit becomes a cannon of shit vapor every time you open it. Don’t talk to me and if you need to please do so from the next room.

3. Brush Yo Damn Toof

So you’ve showered and you think you’re ready to go play some poker right after you have a glass of chocolate milk andeat the rest of mama’s homemade pasta from last night. You know that pasta that she loads up with garlic when she’s cooking it? Taste soooo goood!! Guess what? What you ate last night is seeping through your pores right now as well as still permeating from that cave a death. Wait don’t worry about brushing your teeth, brush that tongue because it smells like you’ve been licking your ass with it.

4. Don’t Fart/Burp

Ok so everyone has to pass some gas or burp after awhile. It’s understandable but when you have to try stepping away from the table and allow that fart to spread at someone elses table before coming back to ours. If you have to burp at the very least turn your head all the way around like your Linda Blair and away from the table. Let it all out before turning baclk around.

5. Wash Your Hands

Go to the bathroom wash your freakn hands dude when you’re done. You’ve been touching chips that everyone else has been touching then you gotta go touch your junk and comeback to the table. The last thing I want to do after smelling you is touch your dirty penis as I’m stacking your chips.

6. Don’t Crowd Your Neighbor

Look fatso you’ve taken up enough room you don’t need and you cannot have more room from me AND I don’t want to smell your stinky ass anymore. Be considerate.

7. Don’t Be the Table Captain

So you’ve played more online tournaments than anyone at your table or you’re so damn old that that none of us will ever see as many hands as you have in a whole lifetime. Not everyone plays as bad as….wait…..not everyone plays like you and it’s not your job, nor do you have the right to tell anyone how to play. Shut up!

8. It’s Not The Dealers Fault

Just because you got beat by a 2 or 4 outter does not mean the dealer did it to you on purpose. In fact most dealers cannot stack a deck on you even if they tried too. Most of the time the cards are scrambled and shuffled a couple of times then thrown into an automatic card shuffler, cut and then the dealt to the table. Be patient, keep your mouth shut and wait for the donkey that just slammed you to make a mistake. You wanted that call, it just didn’t work out.

9. Don’t Tap The Tank

Speaking of being patient and waiting for others to make a mistake don’t berate another player because they made the bad call of the decade and got lucky. Don’t tell them how they should have played it. It’s their hand not yours and once again you want them to make these calls, that’s how you get paid. Congratulate them and a well played and then tuck yourself back in kelp and wait for that fish to come back, then eat him alive.

10. Show Your Damn Cards

If you were the last aggressor don’t play the “you show first game” it’s stupid and holds the game up. If you bet out show your damn cards, if you got caught with your hand in the cookie jar everyone will know anyway.

Short Version: Don’t Be The Ass That You Are

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Andy Bloch on Semi-Bluffing

Andy Bloch

The semi-bluff is one of the most powerful weapons in any poker player?s arsenal. If there?s a decent chance you can steal a pot by semi-bluffing, you should usually take it. But, as with any play you make at the table, the semi-bluff is always most effective when you use it at the correct time in the correct situation. Semi-bluff too much and your opponents will know when you?re on the draw; semi-bluff too little and your opponents will know to fold whenever you bet. The key to semi-bluffing is to always mix things up and never become too predictable with your betting patterns.

Let?s say that you?ve flopped the nut flush draw and are pretty certain your opponent has connected with the flop in some way, be it top pair or maybe even a set. A lot of players like to check-raise as a semi-bluff in this spot. There are a couple of problems with this play: first, if you always check-raise in this spot then your opponent will be able to put you on a draw very easily. Second, if your opponent really does have a hand, there?s no need to check-raise here because there?s no way he?s folding and there?s a good chance he?ll pay you off anyway if you hit your hand.

A better move in this spot might be not semi-bluffing and just calling instead. This way, if you hit your flush on the turn, your options are wide open ? checking, calling or raising are all viable plays ? and your opponent won?t be able to put you on a hand quite as easily. By not semi-bluffing, you increase your chances of winning a bigger pot when your opponent actually has a strong hand. There are players out there who?ll assume you?re not on the draw if you don?t semi-bluff, so use that to your advantage.

Now, if you don?t think that your opponent has a strong hand or your draw isn?t that strong (say a low flush draw), this is the perfect time for a semi-bluff. The semi-bluff should be used as a tool to steal pots when the opportunity arises, not as a means of building big pots.

Another good way to mix up your semi-bluffing game plan is to wait until the turn to semi-bluff rather than always doing it on the flop. This can be a dangerous play because you?ve only got one card to come on the turn and you?re not getting the same odds. But it also means that your opponent is less likely to think that you?re semi-bluffing and put you on the draw. It looks pretty strong if you call on the flop and then raise on the turn; your opponent might think you?ve flopped the nuts and throw away a pretty strong hand.

Another advantage to semi-bluffing on the turn rather than the flop is that you could pick up additional outs on the turn. Say you have a gut-shot straight draw on the flop and then pick up a flush draw on the turn. You?ve just gone from four outs to about 12, which might be worth a shot at taking down the pot right then and there. A lot of players will also have trouble putting you on the flush draw in this spot; it?s just harder to see that flush draw on the turn than it is on the flop.

Once again, the key to a good semi-bluff is picking the right spot to pull it off. Choose poorly and you could stand to lose a good portion of your stack; choose well and you could throw your opponents off balance and hit them where it hurts when you make your hand.

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I would laugh and call FullTilt Poker a joke but they really have had some of their pros put out some good and really helpful articles on playing poker.

However they have now thoroughly confused me with this “tip” by Phil Gordon. I suppose maybe they needed him to actually do some work for what they pay him. Too bad Phil Gordon failed.

Phil I’d like to give you a good kick in the nuts if you were serious when submitting this to FullTilt. Do you really not think poker players run this through their head? It’s soooo basic that even a beginner will do this. Phil Gordon you are a joke.

The Script

Phil Gordon

April 4, 2005

In an effort to simplify my decisions, every single time it’s my turn to act, I try to run through the same script in my head:

Are my opponents playing conservatively? Aggressively? Tentatively?

What are some of the hands my opponents are likely to hold?

What do my opponents think I have?

Once I have the answer to the first question, and feel confident about my range of answers for the second and third questions, I move on to the most important question:

Should I bet or raise?

If I think I have the best hand, I nearly always answer “Yes” and I bet or raise.

If I think I can force weak opponents out of the pot with this bet or with future bets, I nearly always answer “Yes” and I bet or raise.

If I don’t think betting or raising is the right decision, I move on to the last question:

Should I check (or fold)?

If I think I have the worst hand, I nearly always answer “Yes” and I check or fold. If I think my opponents are strong, I nearly always answer “Yes” and check or fold. After a careful analysis, if I’m not sure if I should raise and I’m not sure I should fold, I feel confident that calling a bet (or checking) is correct.

I find that even in straight-forward and obvious situations, by running through the script I often find opportunities that other players might miss. And by asking the “raise” question before the “fold” and “call” question, I ensure that I am playing aggressive, winning poker.

Try using this script next time you sit down at the table, and see if simplifying your inner dialog forces your opponents into making more complicated decisions.

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One thing I’ve noticed since the “poker boom” has come into place is so many players in cash games and tournaments are quick to push all in. TV has made many poker tournaments and even cash games a total donkfest with so many all in moves. Hopefully this article below from one of the best and most highly respected poker players in the world will enlighten those that watch too much television.

Got this from a poker site that I hate but since I am stealing it from them I suppose I must give them credit. Article from Full Tilt Poker.

Early Tournament Strategies by Allen Cunningham

Many players’ first exposure to poker comes from watching WSOP and WPT tournaments on TV, and I think that’s great. It’s entertaining and you’ll see some interesting plays, but viewers have to understand that they shouldn’t model their games based on the action they see on TV.

Why? The answer is simple – what you’re seeing is unrealistic and edited for television. Players in these televised tournaments often start with very deep stacks (sometimes 10,000 chips or more) and, most of the time, all you’ll see on the broadcast is action from the final table where the blinds are high and play is fast. In contrast, the majority of the low buy-in ($1 to $20) tournaments you’ll encounter online usually start with stacks of 1,500 and blinds of 10/20.

Because your approach to the early stages of these tournaments is key to whether you’ll make the final table, the question is, what should your strategy be?

I suggest adopting a simple approach, especially if you’re not a very experienced tournament player. Try not to play too many hands and aim to see a few cheap flops with small/medium pairs if possible because these can provide some the best chances for you to double or even triple up during the first couple of levels. There are many times when you may be able to put in 5% of your stack or less to see a flop and try and hit your set. You’re 7-to-1 to flop a set, but you may be getting 20-to-1 implied odds early on since a flopped set will often be the best hand, and you’ll have a good chance to double up against weaker players who may overplay top pair.

If you are expecting a few callers, you might want to limp with these hands pre-flop. You may also just want to flat call with these hands if there are already a couple of people in for a small raise when the action gets to you. But, if the action is folded to you in late position, you definitely want to raise and take down the blinds. If you want to play conservatively, you can safely throw away small pairs in early position. As I said previously, you don’t want to commit more than about 5% of your stack pre-flop with small and medium pairs (maybe 6% or 7% max), and when you play from early position there’s no guarantee that’s going to happen.

Of course you also want to be playing your monsters like AA and KK, and other hands like QQ, JJ, AK and AQ. Remember early on when stacks are deep, you’re not going to get a lot of action for all of your chips unless you’re up against a pretty strong hand.

There are no concrete rules as to how fast you should try to build your stack in the early going, but the main thing you don’t want to do is go broke by playing too loose. In smaller online tourneys you will either be in the money or close to the money without having to win too many pots if you can just play tight and hang around for a couple of hours. If you speculate too much or take too many coin-flips when you don’t need to early on, chances are that you’ll end up on the rail and miss that opportunity.

Even if you make it to the fourth or fifth level with just a little above starting stack, you’ll usually be in good enough shape to take a run at the money. Remember, getting into the money and beyond is what counts – so learn how to start your tournaments the right way and give yourself the best chance to be the last player standing at the end.

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