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Posts Tagged ‘no limit texas hold’em’

Not long ago Joe Cada won the WSOP Main Event becoming the youngest winner in World Series of Poker (WSOP) history beating out 46 year old Darvin Moon a logger from Maryland.

With the youngsters win I expected there would be an influx of “young’ns” flocking to online poker sites to learn how to play poker. Most new players will likely be around Joe Cada’s age and at some point will end up playing in a brick and mortar poker room very soon. Many of them won’t know the first thing about table etiquette so hopefully this list will help. Even more important for those that have been playing for some time now, I hope this list helps you stinky effers out there that just don’t have a clue. Please take this as your clue and be observant and try washing your ass once in awhile.

1. Take a shower

Please take a shower before you go to the poker room. Just using a quick swipe of deodorant on those sticky pits that you haven’t washed in 3 days will not last very long. You may not realize it but you stink and everyone around you knows it’s you. Wash your hairy ass too, you got poop stuck in it.

2. Do Something About that Stench in Your Mouth

Smokers AND Non-Smokers. Smokers bring a tub of mints with you and use them after your smoke break the while tables smells you when you come back. Non-Smokers you too!! Most of you think that because you don’t smoke your breath can’t possibly smell. However after you’ve had your mouth closed for so long that disgusting pit becomes a cannon of shit vapor every time you open it. Don’t talk to me and if you need to please do so from the next room.

3. Brush Yo Damn Toof

So you’ve showered and you think you’re ready to go play some poker right after you have a glass of chocolate milk andeat the rest of mama’s homemade pasta from last night. You know that pasta that she loads up with garlic when she’s cooking it? Taste soooo goood!! Guess what? What you ate last night is seeping through your pores right now as well as still permeating from that cave a death. Wait don’t worry about brushing your teeth, brush that tongue because it smells like you’ve been licking your ass with it.

4. Don’t Fart/Burp

Ok so everyone has to pass some gas or burp after awhile. It’s understandable but when you have to try stepping away from the table and allow that fart to spread at someone elses table before coming back to ours. If you have to burp at the very least turn your head all the way around like your Linda Blair and away from the table. Let it all out before turning baclk around.

5. Wash Your Hands

Go to the bathroom wash your freakn hands dude when you’re done. You’ve been touching chips that everyone else has been touching then you gotta go touch your junk and comeback to the table. The last thing I want to do after smelling you is touch your dirty penis as I’m stacking your chips.

6. Don’t Crowd Your Neighbor

Look fatso you’ve taken up enough room you don’t need and you cannot have more room from me AND I don’t want to smell your stinky ass anymore. Be considerate.

7. Don’t Be the Table Captain

So you’ve played more online tournaments than anyone at your table or you’re so damn old that that none of us will ever see as many hands as you have in a whole lifetime. Not everyone plays as bad as….wait…..not everyone plays like you and it’s not your job, nor do you have the right to tell anyone how to play. Shut up!

8. It’s Not The Dealers Fault

Just because you got beat by a 2 or 4 outter does not mean the dealer did it to you on purpose. In fact most dealers cannot stack a deck on you even if they tried too. Most of the time the cards are scrambled and shuffled a couple of times then thrown into an automatic card shuffler, cut and then the dealt to the table. Be patient, keep your mouth shut and wait for the donkey that just slammed you to make a mistake. You wanted that call, it just didn’t work out.

9. Don’t Tap The Tank

Speaking of being patient and waiting for others to make a mistake don’t berate another player because they made the bad call of the decade and got lucky. Don’t tell them how they should have played it. It’s their hand not yours and once again you want them to make these calls, that’s how you get paid. Congratulate them and a well played and then tuck yourself back in kelp and wait for that fish to come back, then eat him alive.

10. Show Your Damn Cards

If you were the last aggressor don’t play the “you show first game” it’s stupid and holds the game up. If you bet out show your damn cards, if you got caught with your hand in the cookie jar everyone will know anyway.

Short Version: Don’t Be The Ass That You Are

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“Poker is a tough business,” says Erik Seidel. “You can go through long streaks when you don’t win anything.” When things go badly, when you can’t seem to cash in a tournament or win a significant pot in a cash game, you come to understand the importance of maintaining an adequate bankroll.

Just how big should your bankroll be? How much money do you need to ensure that a bad run won’t put you on the rail? Most pros agree that the answer depends on a number of factors, including the types of games you’re playing, the level of competition you’re encountering, and your psychological disposition.

As Jennifer Harman says, “Some players can be effective on a relatively short bankroll, but others need more of a cushion.

They’ll get stressed out and play scared if they don’t have enough money behind them.” So you need to be aware of your comfort level at the table. If you’re nervous about what you stand to lose in a given pot, you’re probably playing too high for your bankroll. Harman, recommends a conservative approach and suggests maintaining a bankroll that leaves plenty of room for downswings. “If you’re playing $10-$20 limit, I think $10,000 is about right,” says Harman.

John D’Agostino agrees, “You should never play a limit where you feel uncomfortable.” He suggests that a player shouldn’t put more than five percent of his bankroll in play at any time.

The need for a sizable bankroll exists for tournament play as well as cash games. Erik Seidel, a tournament specialist, notes that long droughts are common for tournament professionals and that entry fees can add up quickly. “If you were to play all of the $10,000 buy-in events, you could spend half a million over the course of year,” says Seidel. “Even top players can have years when then don’t cash for $100,000, so having a proper bankroll is critical.”

“You need a much bigger bankroll in tournaments than you do in side games,” agrees Chris Ferguson. “A lot of people play tournaments without nearly enough. You easily need 100 buy-ins. Maybe 200.”

Playing over your bankroll is fine once in awhile, but all the pros concur that it’s important to leave yourself plenty of money to recover from unlucky hands and the occasional mistake. D’Agostino, one of the top young players in poker, offers one further tip for hanging on to your money. “Don’t play Phil Ivey heads up. I tried that once and I failed miserably.”

Written by FullTilt staff Writers

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Honestly visual tells in poker aren’t that common and in good players are very hard to see. However occasionally you see something, it may be something very minor but you may eventually pick up the pattern and place a value on what it means. This list may help you look for things and actually see them but then again maybe not. At the very least if you use what you find here in a live game it may help you pay more attention to what’s going on

1. Watch the Eyes
This is why many pros wear sunglasses or visors/caps when playing, they know that the eyes rarely lie. For example, many players can’t help but stare at big hole cards, so their length of time peeking is longer. Conversely, if a player is looking to steal the pot, he may look to his left to see if the remaining players, who haven’t yet acted, have quickly glanced at their cards and are likely to fold. Another example, a player may try to ask you questions about your hand, knowing that people rarely can “look someone straight in the eyes” while being dishonest.

2. Facial Expression
Again, many pros try to disguise their entire face by wearing a cap and looking downward. This is to avoid the classic stare-down that poker pros are famous for. They may try to study your face for nervousness (detecting a weak hand), or even look for repetitive characteristics like a body “tic”. You may have obvious unhappiness Read the rest of this entry »

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At my local card club I play 3 or 4 poker tournaments a week and do pretty well. I mean it’s been paying my bills. My recent run has been pretty good, I’ve hit the final table 4 of my last 6 tournaments finishing 1st, 2nd (by 2 chips) 4th and 6th. Previous to this recent stroke of skill (luck) I’ve finished 1st 3 times and final tabled quite few times in the last 6 months. Most of these tournaments have anywhere from 125 up to 300+ playing in them. It takes a lot of patience and laying down BIG hands that I may have been ahead on to get there.

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