Jokes to Offend Almost Anyone
April 30th, 2008 | 
Author:
What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan
What is a Yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.
What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover ?
The position of the dirt bag
Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it’s worth it.
Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it’s no big deal unless you’re not getting any.
What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.
What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.
What’s the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
10 years and 145 lbs
What’s the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes
What’s the fastest way to a man’s heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife
Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can’t stand criticism.
Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.
What’s the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you
What’s the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
“Are you sure it’s mine?”
Why do Jewish Men die before their wives ?
Because they want to.
What’s the difference between a catfish and an attorney?
One is a scum sucking bottom dweller and the other is a fish
Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.
Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia ?
Everyone has the same DNA.
Why do drivers’ education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.
Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a blonde baby?
They named him “Sum Ting Wong”
What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment
What’s the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with… “a recipe”.
How do you get a sweet 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
What’s the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A northern fairytale begins “Once upon a time ..” -
A southern fairytale begins “Y’all ain’t gonna believe this shit…
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